One of Those Days

6:30 pm - Realized that my last paycheck was never credited to my bank account. Am overdrawn. Also, am out of catfood, have not done laundry in five weeks (what have I been wearing?!), have lost metro pass, and the sum total of my pantry is lemon juice, molasses, seaweed, and dried mung beans.

8:30 pm - Lost last pair of contact lenses. Realized I no longer have a valid prescription. Also realized that I have no idea where my glasses are (I'm as blind as a bat, without the ultrasonic radar feature.) Unable to find them because I can't see past my own elbows.

7:30 am - Slept through my alarm by one hour.

8:30 am - Got on the wrong bus, the one that takes me to Pentagon instead of Pentagon City.

8:40 am - Get on train going in the wrong direction. Get off at Arlington Cemetery (nothing as depressing as being surrounded by 50,000 people who died unnatural deaths).

8:55 am - Get on train going in the right direction. Get off at next stop, and have already paid my exit fare by the time I realize that this is Pentagon City, and I want Crystal City.

9:20 am - Have now arrived 50 minutes late for work.

12:45 pm - Cell phone rings really loudly and embarassingly. My ring tone is "Allison Road," so I can't pretend it's not me. After I dig through my purse for fifteen minutes to find it, it's an automated message from an auto shop inviting me to schedule an appointment. I don't have a car.

12:56 pm - I'm going to lunch. If a concert piano doesn't fall on my head from several stories up while I'm gone, I'll be surprised, and perhaps a little disappointed.